A walk in the woods at Horseshoe Lake Park
A Walk in the Woods — Self Improvement or Self Care?
Despite my best efforts, my life is dominated by “shoulds”. I should take a walk; I should exercise more; I should do yoga… All of these “shoulds” are aimed at making me a better, healthier, more successful human being. I am hooked on self improvement.
Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, it occurred to me that I could focus on self care instead of self improvement. In an instant, everything changed. I was now able to be kind to myself — nurturing, in fact. It occurred to me that I can apply this thinking to all of the “shoulds” in my life. The weeding that needs to be done — I am spending quiet time outside, away from all types of distractions, focusing on the plants and the soil — instead of working to satisfy a societal norm. Instead of trying to fit in with the neighbors’ perfect gardens.
Self care helps me to be more discerning. I can ask myself if a job I am doing really needs to be done. I can confront the anxiety of my childhood, where there was always more work to be done, where the job was never, ever complete, and determine if the job needs to be done in the first place.
Growing up, I had to clean my room every Saturday. The job could have been satisfying, could have made sense. I could have learned to look at what I had done and feel good about how the room looked. Instead, it was a never ending chore, that lasted all day, instead of forty-five minutes. Because nothing was ever good enough, I would scrub the carpet with a rag and a pail of water. I look back now and marvel at the insanity of what I did, of what I thought I had to do. I was nine years old.
Now, before I take a walk, I think of it as self care, instead of a way to get enough steps in. It’s a way to hear the birds, to see a new plant, to notice the flick of a deer’s ear in the park where I am walking. It helps me decompress, to know that most of my jobs don’t decide the fate of the human race.
The image I have included is based on my walk this morning in a local park.